…When God Feels Distant… Silent… or Even Cruel?
Losing faith in God can feel like the most isolating, confusing experience in the world. When life crashes into your heart like a wrecking ball and your prayers echo into silence, it shakes you to your core.
I mean… What to do when you lose faith in God?
How do you come back from that?
What do you do when the very God you’ve always trusted feels distant… silent… or even cruel?
God saved me when I was 17. I put my faith in Jesus, and my life completely changed. Through heartbreak, homelessness, emergency open-heart surgery at 31 (yes, really… you can read about that here), and courtroom battles, I never lost faith. Even when I nearly lost my home… twice… I clung to the truth that my God will never fail.
I always loved God over everything else… through all the trials, I kept my faith…
Losing Faith in God
…until I didn’t.
I lost my mom.
And everything changed.
It wasn’t just that she died… it was how.
There was no warning. One day she was fine. The next, we were told she had cancer.
Thirty days later… she was gone.
I was in complete shock. I prayed harder than I ever had. I clung to scriptures and ‘having faith quotes’ like they were life preservers.
“Ask whatever in my name and it shall be done.”
I asked. I believed. I knew God would heal her.
But He didn’t.
And something inside me shattered.
I was angry. No… furious. I felt betrayed by the very One I had always trusted.
I stopped reading my Bible.
I stopped praying.
I yelled at Him. 💔
I stopped believing anything could be trusted.
I Didn’t Trust Him Anymore!
I still talked to God… but when I did, it wasn’t pretty. I told Him how disappointed I was.
That I felt lied to. Stabbed in the back. Left alone. I didn’t trust Him anymore. Not even a little. I really wanted nothing to do with Him.
I told my husband, “I miss Holy Spirit… but I’m not ready to stop being mad at God.” He just looked at me with that sad, helpless smile like he didn’t know what to say.
I was drowning in grief and disappointment. My kids didn’t know what to do with me. I didn’t know what to do with me. I cried more than I ever thought possible.
I felt so alone… even though I had a beautiful family. My mom was my best friend. She was the very last person from my childhood I had left. And just like that… she was gone…
Encouraging Words For Healing
Four months. That’s how long I stayed in that dark place. Four long, tear-soaked, faithless months.
Eventually, I reached out to someone I respected online… (Ray Higdon) …a bold, faith-driven voice I admired. I spilled it all: my grief, my rage, my confusion. I asked, “Why does the Bible say one thing, and God doesn’t keep His promise?”
Maybe I was looking for a life raft? I’m not sure.
I never expected a response. But I got one.
And what he said changed everything.
Ray’s words didn’t offer a quick fix or empty comfort. They offered something deeper: perspective.
Ray’s Email to Me
“Susie, got your email and so sorry for your loss but thankful for Heavens gain. She sounds like she was wonderful. There are a couple factors with this from my perspective.
No other way to slice it, its tough and again, so sorry for your loss.
We don’t always know the wishes of others, especially when they are in pain. Someone in pain may not always tell us they are ready to go as they don’t want to hurt our feelings.
She is out of pain now and in Gods arms.
I believe She is watching you from Heaven and does not want you to continue this path, she wants you to remember her with love not be angry with God or depressed.”
There was more. And I plan to share the full message below because it helped me so much. But the words that hit me the hardest?
“We don’t always know the wishes of others… someone in pain may not always tell us they’re ready to go.”
That line pierced through my fog. It made me pause.
Maybe that’s what I needed to hear in that exact moment. Maybe that’s how God gently began leading me home.
God Isn’t a Magic Genie
I thought back to the moment the doctor said to my mom, “You have cancer,” and I remembered the light going out in her eyes.
And it never returned. She gave up. She cried in my arms.
And then I realized… maybe no amount of prayer could have changed that.
Because the reality is, God isn’t a magic genie… He doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we want… And maybe… just maybe my mom was ready to go…
It didn’t erase my grief. But that one conversation cracked open the door I had slammed shut. Slowly, little by little, I began to talk to God again. I wept. I apologized. I asked for forgiveness.
And one night, I felt Him again. I felt that warmth, that love, that peace that only He can give. Like a hug I had been aching for.
That night was the beginning of my healing. The beginning of rebuilding trust.
What to Do When You Lose Faith in God?
If you’re wondering what to do when you lose faith in God, I want to gently encourage you:
- Feel the pain. Don’t rush it. Let yourself grieve. Scream… if you need to. Cry….
- Be honest. He already knows. And He can handle it.
- Take a Step Toward Healing. Try journaling or grief counseling. Hospice services often offer support… even teddy bears made from your loved one’s clothes.
- Seek other perspectives. Talk to someone you trust. Even if they don’t have the answers, their view might unlock something new.
- Feed your soul with faith inspiration I recommend anything by Gary Roe. His words brought me comfort when nothing else could.
- Create a “Keep the Faith” folder. Save the quotes that move you. The ones that remind you of God’s love. Refer back often.
- Let God hold you again. Even if it starts with, “I’m still mad at You.” Just start.
- Embrace Faith Again… One night, I wept and finally apologized to God. I told Him I missed Him. I asked for forgiveness. I felt warmth all around me, like a hug from heaven. I’m a hugger, so it meant everything. I knew then that He had never stopped loving me.
Finding Rest in the Middle of the Storm
If nights are hard and you can’t shut your brain off (oh friend, I know that feeling)…
I found something that helped. 💛
It’s called the Brilliant Movement App, and their sleep meditations may bring you peace when nothing else will. Just 10 minutes may be what you need when the tears won’t stop.
You can try it free for 5 days. If you’re struggling to rest… start here.
If I’m honest… I wish I had found the Brilliant app back then...
During those sleepless nights when my mind wouldn’t stop racing and the grief felt suffocating, I didn’t have a tool like this. I think the sleep meditations alone would’ve helped me rest when I couldn’t shut my brain off.
But it’s more than just sleep support… the app offers daily biblical wisdom, peace-filled teachings, and reminders of God’s presence that I really could’ve used when I felt farthest from Him.
Final Thoughts
Never lose your faith.
Even when it feels like it’s gone.
Even when all you can say is, “God knows I tried.”
He hears you.
He’s still with you.
He never left.
I still cry. I still miss my mom every day. But I also have peace now… real peace… because I know I’ll see her again. I know my God will never fail, even when I don’t understand His ways.
So if you’ve lost your faith in God…
Let this be your gentle nudge:
It’s okay to start small. One prayer. One tear. One moment of honesty. One moment of hope.
He’s not mad at you.
He’s just waiting.
💛 You’re not alone. This space is for you.
Until next time…