I Can’t Go Back and Change Things
I didn’t just have regret… I carried it like a backpack of bricks. Back then, I wish I knew how to live life without regrets… 💔
There were nights I could hear my kids laughing in the next room while I whispered, “Just five more minutes,” into a business Zoom call.
Candles melted, I missed the opening of birthday gifts, conversations got shorter, and I told myself this was the last time. It wasn’t. My kids are all grown now and they no longer live here… I can’t go back and change things… recapture time… precious moments lost.
My dad called and asked me to come home for Christmas. I said I couldn’t… work. “Maybe next year.” There wasn’t a next year. That “maybe later” turned into the biggest regret I still feel in my chest.
With my mom, five whole years slipped by without a visit. (I was busy) Then Tennessee… hospital hallways, the smell of sanitizer, the cancer building, hard chairs, and a blur of forms. Thirty days from hello to goodbye. I flew in, and before I could catch my breath, I was choosing flowers and writing an obituary. Some memories don’t fade; they echo.
My grandma? I waited (too long), and by the time I reached her ICU bed, she was already non-responsive. I held her hand and tried to pour a lifetime of words into a room that had gone quiet.
And my sister… we’d had a complicated relationship and a long silence. One night the phone lit up with her name. Pride told me to let it ring. Something softer told me to answer. I did. We talked… really talked… and I was so grateful we did. I didn’t know it would be the last time I’d ever hear her voice. She was killed shortly after… senselessly, brutally. Now I replay that moment and think about all the grace I wish I’d given sooner… the time I wish I’d made… the stubbornness I wish I’d laid down.
I Want to Live Without Regrets
Life is unpredictable. And I’ve learned the sharpest pain isn’t what went wrong… it’s the love I didn’t choose when I had the chance.
If you’re here, hear me out: regret doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your heart knows what matters. Sometimes you discover what matters a little too late. That’s where regret begins.
Those regrets and mistakes start stacking up, whispering lies at 2 a.m.: “You always mess it up.” “It’s too late.” “maybe in next life.”
So we push harder, get busier, try to expect nothing so it won’t hurt. But numbing doesn’t heal.
I’ve asked myself, why regret something you once wanted?… the (dream) job I chased (but regreted later), the decision that made sense then… and now I can’t remember why. And still, there I was, wide awake promising, do it now or regret it later.
Here’s the tension: you can’t rewrite yesterday. But you can write today… on purpose.
Live Life Without Regrets… 5-Steps (Starting Now)
1) The 20-Year Question (your compass).
Before big (or small) decisions, ask: “In 20 years, will this moment matter?”
- If yes → be there. Call them back. Book the ticket. Take the photo.
- If no → protect your peace. You’re allowed to say no.
2) The 3 R’s: Recentre, Review, Reach out.
- Recentre: 60 seconds of quiet. Hand on heart: “Jesus, I give everyone and everything to You.” (One Minute Pause App makes this easy.)
- Review: what choices are pulling me toward the life I want… and which are pulling me away?
- Reach out: say the thing now… “I’m sorry,” “I love you,” “Let’s try again.”
3) Make a “regret repair” list.
Write 3 names or moments that still sting. For each, choose one small move: a note, an apology, a plan, or a boundary. Tiny faithful steps beat grand intentions.
4) Pre-decide your priorities (so choices get simple).
Name your top 3: God, people, health. Put them on your calendar first. Jobs come and go; birthdays and bedside moments don’t.
5) Be ruthlessly kind (and clear).
Never regret being a good person… but don’t confuse kindness with people-pleasing. Loving others sometimes means protecting what matters most in life.
When the Past Still Hurts
- Remember: you did the best you could with what you knew then. Offer your past self compassion.
- Forgive what you can; release what you can’t change (yet).
- Keep a notes page of short meaningful quotes that pull you back to truth. Mine: “Be where your feet are.” “Presence over perfection.” “Good enough is good enough.”
- Pray this simple line: “Lord, redeem my lost time and teach me to number my days.”
Tiny, Today Moves (you’ll never regret)
- Text the photo to your dad.
- Drop work to sit on the floor and play with your kid for 10 minutes.
- Put your phone down at dinner.
- Schedule that doctor check.
- Go visit your sick friend, even if your relationship is complicated (you won’t regret it later)
- Take time off work to visit your parents while you can
- Book the flight.
- Start the journal.
- Step outside barefoot and breathe (grounding helps your nervous system choose presence).
A Word on “Why Regret Something You Once Wanted”
You’re allowed to grow. What fit a former version of you may not fit now. Honor the desire that led you there and the wisdom that’s leading you on.
Gentle Resources I Use (if you want help)
- One Minute Pause App (Wild at Heart)… builds a daily rhythm of release and presence.
- The Brilliant App… Scripture-soaked encouragement that keeps your heart soft and oriented to what matters.
- Start Here (my page)… if you’re building a simpler, purpose-led life and want next steps.
- Faith and Action Bundle (for entrepreneurs)… God-led goals, procrastination help, and working from peace, not pressure.
(Kindness note: give without keeping score… expect nothing in return… and you’ll sleep lighter.)
Final Thoughts
Friend, you can’t change yesterday… but you can choose to live life without regrets starting today. Offer grace to the version of you that didn’t know what you know now. Choose presence over perfection. Choose people over performance. Choose the call, the hug, the drive, the prayer. And when in doubt, ask the question that’s reshaped my life: “In 20 years, will this moment matter?”
If the answer is yes, go. Be there. That’s the story you’ll be proud to hold.
Until next time…