You Get What You Tolerate
Have you ever felt like a doormat… always being there for everyone else, saying yes when your heart is saying no… then going home empty and sad? Me too. I grew up with little self esteem. Nobody taught me this truth: be careful what you tolerate you are teaching people how to treat you…
As an adult, my self esteem got worse. I thought “being nice” was my job. But being nice gets you nowhere when “nice” means you let people boss you around, talk down to you, or treat you like you do not matter. Without meaning to, I taught people that this was okay.
When we allow this, it grows. People push the line because we never draw it. We start believing: dont expect anything from anyone.
We stop asking for help.
Our words get small.
Our hearts get tired.
We post messy quotes online to hint that we are hurting… but we do not say what we need.
The hard truth is simple… what you tolerate continues. You get what you tolerate. It really is as simple as that. We forget that our words guide our life, so we must: be careful with your words.
Be Careful What You Tolerate You Are Teaching People How To Treat You
Here is the shift that changed everything for me: Be careful what you tolerate you are teaching people how to treat you. When I learned that you teach people how to treat you… my choices changed. I decided this was a good rule of thumb: go where you are valued. I also remembered the: treat people how you want to be treated bible verse… (see below) and I realized that also means treat yourself like someone God loves.
And just as you want men to do to you,
~Luke 6:31 (the golden rule)
you also do to them likewise.
My Story… The Day It Clicked
I was saying yes to one more favor… the kind that steals your whole afternoon. I felt that tight feeling in my chest. I whispered, “Lord, help me.” I remembered a line from a book that shaped me… then I said, “I can’t today.” My voice shook. The world did not fall apart. That tiny boundary was the first brick in a new wall of peace.
Books that helped me see myself like God sees me:
- The Greatest Miracle in the World by Og Mandino. I was riveted. The ending holds a secret practice… I did the readings twice… I wept… I healed.
- The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. Small daily choices add up. Not instant. But Quiet… Real…
- Faith and Confession by Charles Capps. I learned to be careful with your words and speak life.
I dipped my toe in trendy “manifesting” once. It felt empty. I went back to the source… Scripture. I take my thoughts captive… I speak truth with God in the center. No hype.
How To Teach People How To Treat You
Kindly And Clearly…
1) Name what hurts.
Write one sentence: “When you do X, I feel Y.” Simple words. No blame. Not everyone will understand you… that is okay.
2) Set one small boundary.
“Thanks for asking… I can’t today.” You do not have to explain. Never explain yourself to anyone who demands a reason. Kind people accept “no.”
3) Choose where you spend your time.
Less time with takers. More time with people who cheer you on. Don’t let people treat you poorly. It is not unkind to step back.
4) Speak life out loud.
Morning habit… one verse and one confession. “God loves me… I am not a doormat… I can be kind and firm.” This is how you practice: be careful how you treat people, including yourself.
5) Replace guilt with gratitude.
When you say no, whisper… “Thank you God for wisdom.” Boundaries are not walls to keep love out… they are fences that keep peace in.
6) Watch what you are NOT changing.
If something hurts week after week, it is time for a change. What you are not changing… you are choosing.
Gentle Scripts You Can Use Today
- “I want to help… I can’t do that, but I can do this small thing.”
- “I am not available for that. Thank you for understanding.”
- “Please speak to me with respect. If not, I will end this conversation.”
- “I am choosing rest tonight.”
- “Let’s choose a plan that works for both of us.”
These are short on purpose. Your peace does not need paragraphs.
For The Kind-Hearted Reader Who Feels Bad Saying No
Listen… you can be kind and clear at the same time. Jesus was gentle… and also firm. If someone keeps taking and taking… “Stop taking advantage of me” is a holy sentence. Remember that.
Recommendations
- Books that built my backbone: The Greatest Miracle in the World… The Slight Edge… Faith and Confession… Check your library… or grab a copy online if you like.
- A simple journal. Write one line a day… “Today I chose peace.”
- A reminder card on the fridge… “You have to teach people how to treat you.”
Final Thoughts
Friend, you are not hard to love. You are learning new steps. When you choose calm words and kind boundaries, you teach the room how to love you well. If someone walks away, let them. Go where you are valued. God is not asking you to be a doormat… He is asking you to walk in dignity. Take a breath… speak one clear sentence… and take one small step toward peace today.
Until next time…