Ink Smudged With Memories…
If I could write a letter to my children about life… and put my heart on paper, it would look like this… ink smudged with memories, a little messy with tears, and full of the kind of family advice I wish someone had handed me when I was your age.
A Letter to My Children About Life (from my heart)
To my beautiful kids,
I want to say this first: I love you. You are my world… my heart walking around outside my chest. I didn’t do everything right. I wish I had.
I was a tired mom sometimes, doing my best from a wounded place, trying to make a home and a life while carrying more than I knew how to carry. I’m sorry for the places I fell short.
I hope you’ll give me grace, the way I’m learning to give grace to myself.
What I Wish I’d Known (So You Don’t Have to Learn the Hard Way)
I lived years wearing regret like a backpack of bricks. I missed moments I can’t get back: birthday candles blown out while I was on a work Zoom; a last Christmas with my dad I didn’t make, because “work couldn’t wait”; a trip to Tennessee where I lost my mom in 30 days… and only realized then, how long it had been since I’d visited her. Your great-grandmother slipped into an ICU coma while I was “too busy,” and by the time I got there, she didn’t wake up again.
I need you to hear this from me: people matter more than productivity… more than busy-ness. Your presence is the gift.
If you’re ever torn, ask the question I ask now before I choose: In 20 years, will this moment matter? If the answer is yes, go. Be there. Hold the hand. Take the picture. Say the words. Visit the sick friend. Say I love you. Say I’m sorry. Let it go, even if it’s not your fault… (before it’s too late)
There’s one more ache I carry with me: my complicated relationship with my sister. We had a falling out that lasted years. One night she called. I stared at her name on the caller ID and almost didn’t answer… stubbornness, pride, hurt.
Something in me whispered, pick up. I did. We talked. It was good. I’m grateful… because it was the last time I ever heard her voice. She was killed shortly after. If I could do it again, I’d choose grace sooner, love quicker, let things go before nightfall, get rid of my stupid pride.
Please, for your own sake… forgive fast. Pride only ever steals from you.
Perspective…
After losing my mom, I bought a little book that helped me breathe. In What to Do When I’m Gone by Suzy Hopkins & Hallie Bateman, I found a short paragraph that changed my perspective (paraphrased):
When we’re upset with someone, it’s usually because we love that person. Sleep on it. Then imagine the world ending in five minutes… would you really be worried about who’s right and who’s wrong, or would you just want to give that person a hug and never let go?
That’s how I want to live. It doesn’t dismiss the pain or rush forgiveness, but it reminds me to keep my heart open… and to choose people over pride.
“…Love keeps no record of wrongs.” ~1 Corinthians 13:5
What I Want for You
I want you to live family oriented lives… not perfect, not performative, but rooted and present. I want you to know Jesus not as an idea but as a Person who loves you, walks with you, and will never leave you. I want laughter in your kitchens, peace in your evenings, and enough margin to notice small miracles… the way sunlight hits the floor, the way a hug resets your whole day.
I know there will be family problems, conflict, and seasons where we annoy each other. Here’s my mom advice, learned the long way:
- Choose people over pride. Being right won’t hold you at night.
- Say “I’m sorry” quickly. Repairs are holy.
- Expect nothing that you haven’t communicated. Clarity creates kindness.
- Phones down for dinner. Be where your feet are. (be present)
- Sabbath a little. One slow hour a week (away from tech) can save your sanity.
- Pray out loud sometimes. God hears the messy ones just fine.
- Ask for help. Strong people do.
- Celebrate small. Tuesday tacos, a clean sink, the first cool day after summer.
- Guard your heart online. Comparison steals joy.
- If you have to choose, choose love. Always.
When You’re Hurting (Because You Will Be, Sometimes)
When life feels heavy and you don’t know what to do, try this simple rhythm:
- Breathe. Hand on your heart. “Jesus, I give everyone and everything to You.”
- Step outside. Bare feet on the grass for five quiet minutes… let your nervous system remember it’s safe.
(If you ever decide to try indoor grounding, this is the only brand I personally trust.) - One honest line in a journal. “Today I need…” or “Today I noticed…”
- A verse out loud. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” Let your ears hear your mouth say it.
- Text someone. “Can you pray for me?” Don’t do hard alone.
- Call me. Anytime, day or night. (yes, I’m serious)
These aren’t parenting hacks or mom hacks as much as soul-helps… tiny stitches that keep your heart from tearing.
About Me (and Us)
I didn’t always model what I’m writing now. I wish I had. There were times I chose work instead of you because my self-worth felt tied to being “needed.”
Someone praised me, and I handed them my schedule. That job taught me so much… including how to set boundaries and say NO… I also met people there that I love and am still grateful for today.
And still, it took from us… I’m sorry for the times you needed my eyes and I wasn’t looking.
If I could go back, I would choose differently. I can’t rewrite yesterday, but I can promise this: I choose you now and always… every time.
You have always been my most important “yes,” even when I didn’t show it.
I also want to say this clearly: I hope you don’t feel you had a toxic mom… you definitely had a human one. (no excuses) But, I was learning. I am still learning. Thank you for loving me while I grow.
Let Other People’s Stories Teach You
I’m sorry for the ways my choices made life harder… through the divorce, the moving around, and all that came with it. I know instability can leave a mark, and if I could have spared you any of that, I would have.
We make a thousand decisions every day. Most don’t matter much… take the back roads, stop at the convenience store, wear the blue shirt instead of the green.
But some choices change the course of a life. For those, we need wisdom, prayer, and a little pause before we move. (If you ever feel torn, ask God for wisdom… He gives it generously… and call me. We’ll think it through together.)
When I was little, my grandma told me there are two kinds of people: those who learn from others’ mistakes and those who learn the hard way. As a kid, I knew I was the latter. I’d like to think I’ve changed. I’m learning to listen, to take wise counsel, to let someone else’s lesson save me from the same pain.
My hope for you is an open mind and an open heart… that you’ll let other people’s stories teach you, so you don’t have to learn everything the hard way. You’ll carry far fewer regrets that way. And even when you do stumble (because we all do), grace is real, and home is always here.
A Few “Family Rules” I Love (Keep what helps)
- Tell the truth, even when your voice shakes.
- Say “I love you” so often it becomes the air we breathe.
- We don’t shame people; we repair them.
- We pray first, then plan.
- We laugh at ourselves.
- We leave places better than we found them.
- We bless the meal, the day, the people.
- We remember who we are: beloved… a child of God.
- What matters most in life is family… and the people we love
Faith (The Center of My Hope for You)
Jesus changed everything for me. He saved my life… literally and spiritually. When I couldn’t hear Him, He was still carrying me. When I finally started listening, I found He’d been speaking all along, in a thousand quiet ways. I want you to know that love. If you’re unsure where to start, whisper, “Jesus, I need You.” That prayer opens doors.
The world is loud, and I’m easily pulled by it. I learned I had to get quiet enough, for long enough, to hear Him again. A few minutes of stillness, a simple prayer, and a short Scripture… “Be still, and know that I am God”… and suddenly I could sense His kindness in the quiet places.
And when the world feels noisy, remember: never regret being a good person. Kindness might look small, but it echoes in eternity.
If You Ever Need Tools (Just from Mom, not from a blogger 😉)
- Experience Jesus. Really. … (John Eldredge) Short readings and guided pauses that helped me actually meet with Jesus in my everyday life.
- One Minute Pause App… (Wild at Heart) When your brain won’t slow down, this simple pause gives you your peace back.
- Logos Bible Study App… Makes Scripture less overwhelming: notes, cross-references, and helpful study tools in one place.
Use them or don’t… no pressure. But if you ever feel lost, these have been lanterns for me.
My Blessing Over You
May your homes be warm, your friendships safe, your work meaningful, and your faith steady. May you choose courage over comfort, love over ego, presence over performance.
May God meet you in ordinary moments and surprise you with joy you didn’t see coming. And when you fall (because we all do), may grace be the first voice you hear.
I am so proud of you. I love your faces. I love your laughs. I love your stories. Our memories are stitched into me… the everyday moments that turned into treasures: silly jokes, road trips, late-night talks.
They remind me that life’s best gifts are never things, but time together. I love being your mom. Out of all the titles in the world, that one is my favorite.
I love you Always and forever,
Mom
Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this and you’re not one of my kids, maybe you needed a letter like this, too. Consider this your nudge to call someone, say you’re sorry, book the flight, take the picture, forgive fast, and choose love. We only get so many Fridays. Let’s not waste them.
Resources I Love…
- Experience Jesus. Really. … A simple, Scripture-rooted way to slow down and be with Him.
- One Minute Pause App… Tiny pauses that help you breathe and reset with God.
- Logos Bible Study App… Study tools that make the Bible feel accessible, not overwhelming.
Until next time…